In the wake of the 35W bridge collapse I am guessing that there were many moments, many instances where loved ones wished for just a little more time.
Time to say I love you. Time to give a hug. Time to get over angry feelings. Time to forgive. Time to just be.
Time.
Today the national news reports that there are only five dead and eight missing, and to say there are only that many and somehow think that feels good, makes me feel bad.
Each and every human being is valuable and there are several families who never again will be able to hold their loved one tight, call them up on the phone or even say goodnight.
Last Wednesday morning not one of those people knew how dramatically and drastically their lives were going to change by sunset.
They were not given time.
My mom pointed out recently that we were given a gift of time. My mother wasn't taken from me instantly. We were given a warning that our time may be drawing near a close.
Though I can barely stand to think of her cancer as a blessing, I know it could be much much worse. She could have been gone in an instant. With lots of things unsaid, places un-visited, things undone.
But in the spirit of living with the truth, the grave and real truth, I know that this gift of time, is one that I will never quite understand completely.
Yesterday my mom called me at almost noon. I was surprised when I saw her number flash on the caller id. She was supposed to be in her fifth round of chemo.
She was happy. Excited!
She spoke quickly telling me that there was no more chemo.
No more chemo?
Her body didn't respond well to the last round of chemo and the more weight she loses and the more ill she gets, the harder it is for her body to fight.
So her doctor told her that he believes that quality of life is better than quantity of life.
So she's going to live her life. Without the restrictions of chemo weeks and recovery weeks.
And again we're given this gift of time. Of knowledge and time.
Selfishly I'd rather not ever lose a loved one, but if I have to choose, I'll take the time and knowledge rather than losing them in an instant.
You may or may not have noticed the new quote on the right, I got it from my dad and believe wholeheartedly in it's words.
"His wisdom is sublime, His heart profoundly kind; God never is before his time, And never is behind." -Spurgeon
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To that all I can say is, thank you Jesus for this time.
5 comments:
what a blessing to have this time with your mom, to be living not so far from her and to be getting to see her so often. enjoy this time, cherish this time.
your post brings tears to my eyes. here is to making every single day - with your mom, with your husband, with your children and other family and friends, of the highest quality possible. peace to you as you stretch out each moment you have with your mumsy. love you.
It's hard to express with words about your writing this time, Samara. You have touched me deeply, as has the story of your Mom's journey with cancer.
Kinda puts everything in perspective, doesn't it?
thanks for your words, samara. deb lindahl suggest i read this entry after i wrote about two close family members and a family friend given short time frames for life through their battle with cancer. i've thought a lot about the gift too and while it takes incredible emotional endurance to get through, you are totally right, it is a gift. thanks for the reminder. i will pray for your time with your mom
Samara,
Your message came this morning at a time when I needed to cry. We just found out my 21 year old cousin who is also my godchild has lymphoma. It is devastating. God has used your words this morning to allow me to release the pain I am feeling. He has truly blessed you with a gift. Thank you for sharing it with all of us and allowing God to use you in such a profound way. You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers. Blessings to you my friend.
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